Grounding That Actually Works When You’re Activated
First, there’s something I want to get out of the way: if you’re truly activated (racing heart, tight chest, spiraling brain) most grounding advice feels (and is) useless.
Our inner critic might tell us that we’re failing at grounding, but from a bottom-up therapist’s perspective, your nervous system is doing exactly what it learned to do to keep you safe. When our bodies think, wholeheartedly, that something is wrong, they’re not the least bit interested in mindfulness. They’re interested in survival.
So, if you’ve found yourself trying to “take a deep breath” and then instantly felt more panicked, or been told to “just notice your surroundings” while your insides were screaming…well, yeah. That tracks.
So, what might actually help when your system is already lit up?
First: stop trying to calm down
It’s counterintuitive, but hear me out.
When you’re activated, your nervous system is in mobilization mode. It wants to do something. Trying to force calm can feel like being told to relax while running from a threat. So don’t be surprised when your body just won’t cooperate.
Instead of asking, “How do I calm this?” Try asking, “What does my body think it needs right now?”
Often the answer isn’t stillness. It’s movement, pressure, or orientation.
Use your body before your brain
Talking yourself through panic rarely works because activation isn’t a thinking problem, it’s a body state.
Some options that actually meet your system where it is:
Change positions. Stand up. Sit on the floor. Lean against a wall. Let gravity help you feel held.
Engage big muscles. Push your feet firmly into the ground. Press your palms together. Hold a heavy object.
Slow, weighted movement. Not stretching. Not yoga. Just deliberate, grounded motion like slowly pacing or rocking.
You’re giving your nervous system sensory proof that you’re here, supported, and not in immediate danger.
Orient to the present, not the threat
A lot of grounding techniques ask you to notice things, but when you’re activated, your attention is glued to the perceived threat.
Instead of scanning for calm, orient for certainty.
Look around and name:
solid objects
corners of the room
things that clearly aren’t moving
anything that signals “nothing is chasing me right now”
This isn’t positive thinking. It’s updating your nervous system with current data.
Breathe, but don’t overdo it
Breathing can help, but only if it doesn’t feel forced.
If “deep breathing” ramps you up:
Try longer exhales without changing the inhale.
Or breathe normally while placing a hand on your chest or belly.
Or skip breath entirely and focus on pressure or movement first.
Breath follows safety, and not the other way around.
Let activation finish its sentence
This part is rarely talked about.
Sometimes grounding doesn’t mean making activation stop.
Sometimes it means letting your body complete the response it never got to finish.
That might look like:
shaking your hands
stomping your feet
letting your jaw loosen
making a sound you’ve been holding in
Your body is trying to resolve something, it’s not malfunctioning.
Afterward, be gentle with yourself
Once activation eases, there’s often a crash: fatigue, sadness, fog, even embarrassment.
Take this as a signal that you worked really hard, not that you did it wrong. This is where rest, warmth, hydration, and softness actually matter.
A gentle truth
Grounding isn’t about being calm all the time. It’s about learning how to come back—again and again.
If you’ve been blaming yourself for not being able to “regulate better,” I want you to know this: your nervous system learned these responses for a reason.
With the right kind of support, it can learn new ones. And you don’t have to force it there.