Most relationships don’t break all at once. Instead, they fade in small, quiet ways. This post explores how to recognize those early moments of disconnection and how couples therapy can help you understand what’s really happening underneath.

You’ve probably seen the posts: “Are you anxious, avoidant, or secure?” It’s catchy, it’s clickable, and it scratches the ever-so-human itch of wanting to understand yourself in one neat label. But here’s the thing: attachment isn’t a Buzzfeed quiz result. It’s a living, breathing pattern that shifts depending on the context you’re in.

In conversations about trauma healing, the focus is often on resolution. Closure. A turning point that finally makes everything make sense.

That’s not how complex trauma works.

You may have come across EMDR therapy in a podcast, article, or a conversation with a friend. It’s one of those therapeutic approaches that sounds both intriguing and a little mysterious: Eye movements? Reprocessing trauma? Can that really help?

If you've ever taken an attachment quiz online and sighed at the results, you're not alone. Many of us have had the experience of reading about anxious or avoidant attachment and thinking, “Yikes. That’s me.” It can feel like getting handed a relationship report card you never knew you signed up for.

If you have an anxious attachment style, dating can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, you’re feeling hopeful and excited about a new connection, and the next, you’re overanalyzing a text message, wondering if you said something wrong. You might find yourself craving reassurance, worrying about how much someone likes you, or feeling intense emotional highs and lows depending on how a relationship is going.

Have you ever found yourself pulling away when a relationship gets too close or feeling uneasy with emotional intimacy? Maybe others have described you as “hard to get close to” or “distant.” If so, you might relate to avoidant attachment—a relational style rooted in self-protection and emotional distance.

Have you ever found yourself sabotaging something you care deeply about? Maybe you procrastinate on an important project, shy away from a promising opportunity, or push people away when relationships get too close. On the surface, this behavior seems baffling—why would we stand in the way of our own happiness or success?