If you've ever taken an attachment quiz online and sighed at the results, you're not alone. Many of us have had the experience of reading about anxious or avoidant attachment and thinking, “Yikes. That’s me.” It can feel like getting handed a relationship report card you never knew you signed up for.

If you have an anxious attachment style, dating can feel like an emotional rollercoaster. One moment, you’re feeling hopeful and excited about a new connection, and the next, you’re overanalyzing a text message, wondering if you said something wrong. You might find yourself craving reassurance, worrying about how much someone likes you, or feeling intense emotional highs and lows depending on how a relationship is going.

Have you ever found yourself pulling away when a relationship gets too close or feeling uneasy with emotional intimacy? Maybe others have described you as “hard to get close to” or “distant.” If so, you might relate to avoidant attachment—a relational style rooted in self-protection and emotional distance.

Have you ever found yourself sabotaging something you care deeply about? Maybe you procrastinate on an important project, shy away from a promising opportunity, or push people away when relationships get too close. On the surface, this behavior seems baffling—why would we stand in the way of our own happiness or success?