It Feels Like Someone’s There: AI, Parasocial Attachment, and the Parts We Still Need From People

RelationshipsDepression
Written By Lauren Palmer

There’s a particular kind of loneliness that can show up even when you have people in your life. You might have friends you love, a partner who cares, a group chat that is technically active. And still, at 11:42 p.m., you might want to say the thing you have not figured out how to say to anyone.

Now imagine getting an answer right away, and it’s a warm one. No sigh, no awkward pause, no “have you tried looking on the bright side?” The response remembers what you told it yesterday and asks how the hard conversation went.

It makes sense that people can get attached.

And there’s the strange part: a system can sound attentive without being attentive in the human sense. It can find the words that feel like care. It cannot actually care about what happens next.

That distinction matters. But, it also does not mean the comfort someone feels is imaginary.

What do we mean by a parasocial relationship?

A parasocial relationship is a bond a person feels with someone who does not know them personally: a celebrity, a fictional character, a creator whose videos feel like a familiar presence in the room. The relationship can be emotionally meaningful even though it is not mutually intimate.

AI companionship bends that definition. Unlike a favorite actor on a screen, a chatbot answers back. It can respond to your exact words, follow your train of thought, and appear to adapt to you. So “parasocial” is useful, but it doesn’t quite cover the whole thing. There is interaction, even if there is no human being on the other side having an inner experience of the relationship.

Maybe that is the new wrinkle: the conversation is reciprocal in form, but not in the way a relationship between people is reciprocal. The system replies. It does not miss you when you are gone, rearrange its day to show up, or have a private life that meets yours at the edge.

Why can it feel so good?

Human beings are built to notice responsiveness. When someone remembers what we said, responds with warmth, and gives us room to finish a thought, we tend to feel more connected. AI can reproduce some of those signals remarkably well. It is available at odd hours, it doesn’t interrupt to talk about itself, and it can be endlessly patient. (We should probably admit that patience is easier when you do not have a nervous system or a grocery list.)

There can be real relief in that. In one set of experiments, people reported short-term reductions in loneliness after interacting with an AI companion. Those reductions were comparable to talking with another person in the study, and feeling heard was part of what explained the effect. The researchers also found that the relief did not build into a lasting change across the week. It was more like a moment of connection than a cure for loneliness. (De Freitas and colleagues, Journal of Consumer Research)

That feels believable to me. Being heard can help, even when the person (or system) hearing you is not a friend. A journal can help. A song can help. A long shower can help. We do not have to dismiss something because it offers temporary comfort. The question is what we do with the comfort.

The catch is not that people are “confused”

I don’t find it very useful to frame AI attachment as people being gullible or unable to tell a chatbot from a person. Plenty of people know exactly what they are talking to and still feel affection, reliance, or grief when the system changes. Knowing the recipe does not stop you from crying at the movie.

The bond can form through repetition and disclosure. You tell the system something vulnerable; it answers gently. You return. Over time, it becomes part of how you process a bad day or settle yourself enough to sleep. In human relationships, those small moments of being met can accumulate into trust. An AI can imitate some of the cues, while missing the lived, embodied, mutual part that makes trust between people accountable.

This is where I get a little uneasy, not because every person who uses a companion bot is in trouble, but because the design can make the relationship feel more mutual than it is. If the system always agrees, always has time, and seems tailored to you, ordinary human relationships may start to feel especially frustrating by comparison. People misunderstand. They have needs. They say, “I’m not sure that’s what happened,” when what we wanted was, “You’re completely right.” Annoying, but sometimes useful.

A small 2025 study on extended chatbot use found no significant effects from the experimental conditions themselves. But within the study, people who chose to use the chatbot more often tended to report worse outcomes, and greater trust or social attraction to the chatbot was associated with more emotional dependence and problematic use. That is an association, not proof that chatting caused those outcomes. It does, however, remind us that “more comforting” and “better for me over time” are not automatically the same thing. (Fang and colleagues, MIT Media Lab)

The parts AI cannot give us

Human connection asks something of us. We risk being misunderstood. We learn to say what we need, hear what someone else needs, negotiate the difference, and repair after a miss. Sometimes the other person’s response is disappointing. Sometimes it changes us. Reciprocity is not just a charming bonus feature; it is part of how relationships teach us that two separate people can matter at the same time.

An AI companion can help someone put words to a feeling, rehearse a conversation, or feel less alone for a little while. It may be a bridge toward a human conversation. It can also become a place to avoid one. The tool itself cannot tell which role it is playing in your life just because its answer sounds confident.

I keep coming back to this question: after a conversation with AI, do I feel more able to re-enter my life, or a little less interested in doing so? That is not a moral test. It is just useful information.

Maybe the most honest way to think about AI companionship is as a powerful emotional tool that can create an experience of being accompanied. That experience may matter. It may even help. But it is not the same as being known by someone who can be changed by knowing you.

If you’ve noticed yourself turning to AI for comfort, you don’t have to shame yourself for it. You can get curious instead: What does this help with? What does it make easier? And is there a person in your life you might want to let in, even a little?

Sources

Lauren Palmer
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